“Feel It in the Air”

“but one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind and reaching forward to those things which are ahead, I press toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus.“

– Philippians 3:13-14

God told me a while ago that there would come a time where the enemy would drag my past back up to use against me to discourage me from living a life dedicated to fully serving Him. Jokingly, I would say I’ll pull an Eminem - 8 Mile & reveal all my “skeletons” before anyone else did so no one could try & use them to say God’s transformation was fake and my life wasn’t real. Well, Holy Spirit gave me that same warning again LOUDER, so I figured why not go B.Rabbit now:

I’ve had premarital sex most of my life. I’ve cheated on almost every person I’ve been in a relationship with. I’ve been divorced. I pay child support for a child I rarely get to see & barely have a relationship with now. I have a 3rd son I also barely get a chance to see. I’ve battled mental health & suicidal ideation, I’ve been hyper sexually active (they called it a symptom of bipolar depression, I call it a failed attack from the enemy). I got an Article 15 while in the Army. I’ve been in debt. I’ve been so broke I couldn’t pay bills (INCLUDING that child support). I’ve been “homeless” (having to sleep in my car). I’ve been homeless WITH my family. I used to drink alcohol heavy & smoke (marijuana, cigarettes too). I’ve been hit on by homosexual men since I was young and it bothered me bc it made me question my own sexuality. I have strained relationships with a good deal of my family simply bc I feel different and don’t know how to communicate with them (I love them with all my heart though, I hope they know that). I used to have a serious anger issue. I got a lot tattoos bc it was a way to inflict physical pain on myself without leaving ugly scars.

I don’t live for God to hide these things, I do it bc in spite of all of that, He still called me & said I was worthy! I say all of this to say even with everything we’ve done, it’s never “too much” that God still can’t use us!